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The process of Enhancing Audio Anally
Recently, popular music has been infected by a virus called auto-tune, an effect through which vocal lines can be fed before audio projection takes place. This effect modifies the singers voice in such a way that all dynamic and organic factors, all the parts of the human voice that make the human voice, in fact, human, are removed and subsequently flattened into a line of total dull uninteresting shit-sound, with occasional irritating spurts of annoyingness. According to another (anonymous) online encyclopedia:
“Auto-Tune is a proprietary audio processor {Redaction: a device that processes audio in a proprietary fashion} created by Antares Audio Technologies that uses a phase vocoder {Red.: a vocorder with a touch of phasiness} to correct pitch in vocal and instrumental performances. It is used to disguise inaccuracies and mistakes, and has allowed many artists to produce more precisely {Red.: anally} tuned recordings. The term "autotune" is also used to refer to pitch correction technologies developed by other companies.”
What it comes down to is that any vocals using auto-tune (and there are many of them) sound exactly the same; like this:
- Mneeeeeaaaaaauuuwwwwwwwnjuhwaaaaaaaaaahyyyeeeeaaaaaaauuuuoooooowowwwww -
Or something along those lines.
Now in Vurdalaks secret subterranean laboratory, a group of dedicated scientists, the , is working on a new device, to counter the auto-tune infection: The Auto-Detune. You might have guessed it, the auto-detune does everything that the auto-tune does not, and more. Not only can it effectively cancel out all auto-tune-raped sound signals, it can make any audio transmission sound divinely like a wet fart:
- Flubbwallawallaplplplplplbplbplbplbpblpsnugwallawalla -
Our hopes are that when Kanye West gets his hand on Vurdalak’s amazing auto-detune device, all he will want to do is drop his music career and spend the rest of his days shovelling piles of decomposing eggplants into an active volcano, and thusly bringing about the worlds first rotten vegetable rain. It’s about time we had one of those.
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